Pursued

Call me old fashioned, but I want to be pursued by my husband.

The thing is I've been pursued all my life.
By a man, who gave up His life for mine.

Most of my life I didn't realize it.
I didn't paid attention to the ways he showed His love, care and concern for me.

But now my eyes have been open.

I see Him in creation around me. In a hug from a close friend, a kind word, a song on the radio, a smile from a stranger.

I know He cares about me when things in life fall into place, when I unexpectedly receive the thing I have been needing, or when He answers my prayers and those deep longings in my heart.

Most of my life I have lived looking for an earthly man(or woman) to be my saviour, the one I can always count on and will be everything I need.

They always fail me in one way or another.

But Jesus, well, He has yet too, and I doubt He ever will. He has proven Himself faithful and patient, when I have and when I haven't deserved it.

He says He has a future beyond my wildest dreams planned out for me, and He had them planned before the earth was created.

To me that says, "Sarah, I've got you and I'll never let you go."

True security.

"Long before He laid down earth's foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by His love. Long, long ago He decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure He took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son."
-Ephesians 1:4-6 MSG

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us."
-Ephesians 3:20 MSG

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you."
-Jeremiah 29:11-14 MSG

It HAS to be perfect!!

My name is Sarah and I'm a perfectionist.

Perfectionism is defined as:
a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.

I HAVE to do everything right or else I feel like I've failed. If I feel angry and upset at someone because of what they have said or done to me, I become more frustrated and upset because I know that God has called me to be forgiving and merciful. But those feelings are not "natural" in that situation. I have trust God and wait for my feelings to catch up - get in line with what God says. Until they do I need to remind myself of what He has said and work to keep good words out of my mouth and thoughts in my mind.

It also keeps me from doing things because I'm afraid that I won't get them right or I will fail. I've tried to learn to play guitar many times, but like a lot of things, I give up if I cannot get it or am not progressing fast enough for my liking. I was hoping to be a rock star overnight. So, yeah. Doomed to fail. I didn't even give myself a chance.

My perfectionism is driven by a fear of failure. I hate failing, not getting something correct, or disappointing people. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this boat, but it still drives me crazy! I've seen so many opportunities lost because I have been afraid of failure or rejection.

My perfectionism reminds me of my need for God. It drives me to Him because I know I can't do life in my own strength. It shows me how much I need the Holy Spirit to be present in my everyday life so I can see where He is working and fall in step with Him. Because with the Perfect One who never fails, I know that I can get it right too.

"God, for whom and through whom everything was made, chose to bring many children into glory. And it was only right that He should make Jesus, through His suffering, a perfect leader, fit to bring them into their salvation."
Hebrews 2:10 NLT

"'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.' Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 The Message

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me."
Philippians 3:12 The Message

Driving in the Dark

Driving down a country road at night, that I am unfamiliar with, reminds me of my walk with God.

I can't see more than what the headlights light up in front of me. In life, God doesn't generally lay out all His plans for me all at once. I have to trust that even though I can't see too far in the distance, He has it all planned out and is leading me where I need to go. I need to stay close to Him so I can see where He is leading.

My destination is fixed, but how do I get there? I programmed the GPS in my phone to get me home. Even though I wasn't familiar with the roads, I arrived safely! God has given us a GPS to get us through this life and into our eternal reward safely - His Word!

There are signs along the way to alert me of trouble or let me know I'm on the right road. God uses people and situations in our lives to confirm where He is leading us, or of the dangers that might be ahead. 

I can't see too much in the rear view mirror at night. I don't need to spend a lot of time focused on what has happened in the past. I need to learn from what has happened and move on. If I spend too much time looking backwards, I will miss what God is trying to show me out the windshield!

God has a good plan for my life and I trust Him to get me HOME!

“Wait passionately for God, don't leave the path.” - Psalm 37:34 The Message

“It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone. It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.”

-Ephesians 1:11-14 The Message

So In Love

Lately I have been pondering and have become afraid that when I come into another dating relationship I will let what happened in my previous relationship reoccur. I’ve been concerned that I would allow my desires and hormones reign and rule in my life and that I won’t listen to those who know me and have a more objective opinion of the situation.

But, as simple as this may sound, if I’m absolutely in love with Jesus (to steal a line from one of my favourite worship songs) and seeking His will and desire to serve Him above all else then what do I really have to be afraid of?

Jesus wants good things for me and has MY best interests in mind. He is my Creator. Who knows better? The potter or the clay? The artist or the brush? The author or the pen?

If I trust that He has a good plan for my life then I don’t need to worry and be afraid. I don’t have to worry that I will let bad decisions happen again, because I just have to follow His lead. (Besides worry has yet to add any value to my life!) I don’t have to be afraid because I’m so in love with Jesus that there is no way I could be in love with somebody as much as I am with HIM.

“But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones.” -Isaiah 30:18 MSG

“Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew He was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.” -1 Peter 1:18-21MSG

Beyond Jabez

Today I picked up the book, Beyond Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson.

It is a God thing that I even came into possession of this book. My parents gave me a box of books to donate to the church library and I noticed a bunch of cookbooks in the box, so I decided to sort through and found mostly cookbooks, with a few books that might be appropriate for the library. This was one of them. It has been sitting on my dining room table for a few weeks. I really had no interest in reading it, but it kept sticking out to me. So I picked it up and cried through the first 40 pages. I’m so amazed at God’s ability to provide what we need, when we need it.

It has been the missing piece to the puzzle in my mind. It has brought together a bunch of the thoughts floating through my head, the challenge I have received from Pastor Ralph’s sermons to pray big prayers and begin to realize the awesome-beyond-my-wildest-dreams plan God has for my life and the lives of those around me.

I have been frustrated because I have been afraid to ask God for things. I think I am not good enough to receive them or honestly, why would He want to give them to me? He knows the thoughts and intentions of my heart and I am definitely not worthy to receive them!

But it’s not because I’m worthy or that I deserve them or that I could ever earn them, but because He is a good Father and wants to give me good gifts! A gift is defined as: something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned.

So why am I afraid to ask? One of my overwhelming desires is to be pleasing to Him and to know what His will is for my life, so why shouldn’t I ask Him for good things? 

I have seen Him bring about so many good things in my life and am so thankful that He is faithful and all knowing!! I have seen Him answer some very specific prayers. Not always in the way or time that I want or think, but...

He is God, so who am I to box Him in?

“And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.” -1 Chronicles 4:10

“Don't be fooled, my dear friends. Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father who created all the lights in the heavens. He is always the same and never makes dark shadows by changing.” –James 1:16-17 CEV

“Ask, and you will receive. Search and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened for you. Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks. Would any of you give your hungry child a stone, if the child asked for some bread? Would you give your child a snake if the child asked for a fish? As bad as you are, you still know how to give good gifts to your children. But your heavenly Father is even more ready to give good things to people who ask.” –Matthew 7:7-11 CEV

Awesome

My God is so awesome! 

I just have to say it. Again. And again

He has brought me from a shy, insecure and fearful woman to this crazy for Him, my worth secure in Him, not afraid when He is by my side chick! 

My God is AWESOME! 

Did I say that already?

Ooopps. 

Let me say it again!

MY GOD IS AWESOME!

He has become my Redeemer, my Provider, my Protector, the ROCK on which I stand, my Lover, my Friend who sticks closer than a brother and my EVERYTHING.

He has freed me from bitterness and unforgiveness towards my parents for divorcing. He has walked with me through the pain, anger and depression of separating and divorcing my husband. He has restored dreams, redeemed me, and reminded me of what He has promised me. 

He has given my beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, a garment of praise instead of heaviness - planted by Him to display His glory.

He placed me in a family and church that has supported, challenged and encouraged me. I am so very thankful for them.

My God is awesome. 

Waiting...

It seems I spend my life waiting for the next BIG thing to happen. I couldn’t wait to turn 16, then 18, go to college, get married, get anywhere really. My life seems to be running from one stage to the next. Instead of enjoying where I am, I’m always wishing for the next thing. Instead of learning and growing where I was, I looked for the next thing or moment to fill my need, to satisfy the longing in my heart. Unfortunately, when those things came along I was always broken hearted and disappointed.

It’s still a struggle. I get frustrated and want to throw the towel in on life. I get frustrated because I’m not financially where I want to be, and I figured I’d have a few kids and a good man to walk through life with by now. So many dreams and plans that seem empty and like they will never be fulfilled.  

So now what?!?

I wait. On the One whose plans for my life are beyond what I could dream or think up, whose timing is perfect, and really can fulfill all my deepest longings and desires.

I wait - doing what I know I’ve been called to do. I am to continue on in the pursuit of the most amazing relationship with my magnificent Creator. To learn and grow where I am. To help those around me develop into all that God has designed them to be. To know I have not been forgotten and He sees and knows my frustrations and disappointments.

“So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy."

-1 Peter 1:13-16 The Message

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.”

Ephesians 3:20 The Message

“Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, His blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans He took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in Him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.”

-Ephesians 1:7-12 The Message